It's actually quite common to suffer like this years after such an incident :( It's not surprising in the slightest - it was such a disgusting betrayal of your trust. They had absolutely NO RIGHT to do something like that to you.
Please go and get help. You don't have to suffer alone. As one_green said, go and see a counsellor. This has hurt you enough. Don't let those idiots take your life away.
"Is it normal that i am still affected by a rape 3 years ago?"
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Yes, something PTSD probably.
It's actually quite common to suffer like this years after such an incident :( It's not surprising in the slightest - it was such a disgusting betrayal of your trust. They had absolutely NO RIGHT to do something like that to you.
Please go and get help. You don't have to suffer alone. As one_green said, go and see a counsellor. This has hurt you enough. Don't let those idiots take your life away.