21 year old male insecure about sex?

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36 Comments

So first off I am a virgin yes. I've only had one proper girlfriend and that was a relationship that lasted 2.5 years. No sex was had, but promises had been made that were not kept. We were both virgins and it was more important to me that I spend my first time with her than she realised. I'm a very quiet guy and I don't feel secure with opening myself up to other women.
I don't know if this is normal or not, but I was really feel like I can't confidently have sex with someone unless I feel they are inexperienced too (for my first time I mean). I want to date women in the same situation as me, not someone who has already explored there sexuality. I want to be able to explore my sexuality alongside my partners, and not have it all done before I've even met them. Do guys know what I mean? :\

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80% Normal
Based on 229 votes (184 yes)
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Comments ( 36 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    You had a girlfriend for two and a half years but are still a virgin, how does that work?

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  • Energy
    11 years ago

    Don't force yourself to fuck just anyone just because of people who pressure you. It isn't worth it. Wait for the right one. I know there are PLENTY of girls out there who are a lot like you.

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    • sYki
      11 years ago

      Probably not the best idea comparing him to a girl but hopefully he gets the point... that there are plenty of PEOPLE out there who are a lot like him, and some of them girls who are looking for the same type of thing.

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      • Energy
        11 years ago

        No, I'm not comparing him. I'm saying there are a lot of girls like him who are just as awkward about sex. Who he can fuck.

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  • dude_Jones
    11 years ago

    Sexual inexperience can make you very uncomfortable with yourself. As TheGuru says, down-to-earth girls are the ones for you. Don't be needy. Keep good eye contact. Your sense of humor MUST project whatever physical comfort you have. Try being a little bit "earthy."

    Sounds strange but if you put just a dab of semen behind each ear before a party, the girls that are ovulating will be strongly attracted to you. That might help a bit.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      What?

      Ok... So what would happen if i jerked my skeet shooters into my hand, and rubbed my face with them. Is that a little bit too much?

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      • dude_Jones
        11 years ago

        Yep. You need subliminal presence. They can just barely smell it, but can't identify what the smell is.

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        • sYki
          11 years ago

          On one hand it sounds kinda logical it may even have some kind of placebo effect with your attitude. On the other hand it sounds outrageous like your just trying to make a fool of someone.

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          • dude_Jones
            11 years ago

            An untested hypothesis will not help you. Remember, it is easy to wash off.

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  • TheGuruOfTheSauce
    11 years ago

    I guarantee you my post will be voted down by basement dwelling women that found the "one" AKA a guy as desperate as them to fuck then marry the next day. The better looking a girl is the more they're sought after and the more likely slayed between 14-18ish

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    • quentari
      11 years ago

      not always, I've got a very hot friend who's still a virgin (granted, she had a sheltered upbringing) and I know a friend of a friend who's obese, unattractive and has the personality of a slug and has "slayed" more than just 14-18 men

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      • jc25
        10 years ago

        Is she like the ugly 200-250 lb woman who told things like come here I want to ask you a question several times in a row, a question which 15 feet apart is too far away to ask? I didn't know you could get dozens of men with that. (though I can't guarantee that I wouldn't have been desperate enough for her if that happened to me when I looked like a plain 17 at 22.

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        • quentari
          10 years ago

          well I'm biased because I really dislike her but she's fucking ugly and a huge bitch.

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    I've known several men in the same situation as you, some of whom are older than you. It's normal to be insecure about sex if you haven't done it before, no matter how old or what gender you are. If you tell your partner that you're a virgin, they can help you through your first time.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      I've had girls tell me not to do this. And I know that I've turned a few girls off- virgin and non virgin- by telling them this. The way I see it, why should I tell them? No matter what, when it happens, they'll either figure it out or not. Or they won't care, or they'll be just as inexperienced as I am.

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  • Darkoil
    11 years ago

    No, my first time was with what can only be described as a slut and it was epic, we did anal and everything. Don't wait for something that may never happen.

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  • Gid
    11 years ago

    It's fine dude. Don't worry about it. It's all a part of maturing mentally. Take your time, there's no rush for you. A lot of people your age have had sex multiple times, and just as many haven't.

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  • Anime7
    11 years ago

    I'm a little younger than you but I get where you're coming from. I also wish my first would be with someone who has zero experience.

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  • SkullsNBones
    11 years ago

    I understand where you're comming from, I'd also feel awkward if the other person was a lot more experienced than me.

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    • 1000yrVampireKing
      11 years ago

      I love your name.

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  • TheGuruOfTheSauce
    11 years ago

    tough luck guy your average girl has been filled by 5-10 different penises by now at age 21. You better hope to find a girl down to earth otherwise your struggle will be met with unhappy vaginas.

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  • JBN
    11 years ago

    You are making too big of a deal of sex. You may regret waiting so long for that perfect person to come along. You will have other partners throughout your life and each one is a little different but the human body is all the same, we all have the same equipment. So get going now so you will have no regrets. Just watch out for STDs.

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  • ucipher8
    11 years ago

    If you are as shy and insecure as i am imagining, than you certainly dont want your first time to be with a woman, who coincidentally is experiencing her first time as well. And lets be honest, you might have a harder time finding a woman your age, thats also virgin (unless of course she was a teenager) (these days, amiright?!)

    I recommend you just meet someone and let it take its course. If shes more experienced than you sexually, then sir you will be in for a HUGE surprise! Whats worse than being insecure because your a virgin? Being insecure because you suck at making love!

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  • deki
    11 years ago

    are you sexy? do you have a nice body? If you do, girls will find it endearing that you haven't. It might turn them on to corrupt you. Put a pic of your body up.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Don't worry about it.

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  • Isabella80s
    11 years ago

    This is a fairly common situation. It must feel like a big barrier for you but that's not the reality, that's just how it feels. Anyone you're with sexually should be grown up enough to understand and see things from your point of view. Maybe it's best to be upfront when the time comes and if someone judges you for it, then they need a reality check!

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  • Watermelon28
    11 years ago

    2.5 years and 0 sex ?! Duuude

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  • Sog
    11 years ago

    If your girlfriend is worth a damn, she isn't going to cut you off just because you aren't good in bed. Actually, some women are even excited to be the one to "teach" her guy how to do it right.

    It will be awkward your first time. It just will. But the good news is that most reasonable women (and I use that term with tongue firmly planted in cheek) will give you the opportunity to get better. After all, she's with you because she likes YOU, all of you, not just your penis.

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  • OmNomNomm
    11 years ago

    Hmm. I have a question for you. Let's say you met a girl, you become good friends and then later start dating. I will take it as a given you will not ask her before you start dating if she is a virgin because as you said, you're a shy guy. But anyway, she then tells you she has in fact had sex before. Would you then just 'NOT' want to date her anymore because of that fact? Remember, this is not something she can change for you. Doesn't that seem shallow to you?

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      I think the point this guy is trying to make is that he would prefer someone at his level of experience but it's not a necessity. I'd agree with him on that point since I think the same way. I wouldn't dump a girl because she's had sex before, no way. But if she was lying about her "number" then I'd see a serious issue there.

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      • OmNomNomm
        11 years ago

        Ok, alright. I however see no real reason for a girl to lie about her sexual partners in the past. But if she did, I can understand that anyone would become vary, I mean, she lied. That's generally bad. But have you considered this: why would you want a partner with the same amount of experience? Isn't it because you're afraid of how you're going to be judged based on your performance? You think she'll laugh if something isn't perfect? Or tell everyone? It's sex, not rocket science. This is nothing personal but I think ya all should just relax and enjoy getting some :)

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        • Mmmpfh
          11 years ago

          Ya I agree with you there, but I think my preference for people with similar dating experience to myself is in the same vein as my preference of body types. I'm a thin, not very tall guy, and a like women with a similar build as myself.
          It's probably just a stupid insecurity but it's just the way I feel about the matter, hehe!

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Literally, I have the same story as you, but the one relationship I had only lasted a couple of months, and I'm 19. Everything else is the same.

    First of all, I hadn't even kissed a girl until I was 17 when I made out with this girl. My testosterone took the wheel and I just knew what to do out of pure intuition. She was impressed, she never would have guessed I was so inexperienced if I hadn't told her >.< *facepalm*

    My friend who lost his virginity when he was 18 told me that he felt the same way. He didn't even watch porn ever, but he just had intuition about how to please a woman, and it went smoothly for him.

    Point is, don't put the pussy on a pedestal. From a sexual standpoint, women aren't that hard to figure out when you're in the moment. You'll just know. But even if it is a little bumpy, who cares? Hook-ups are transient, so even if they're experienced and they're turned off by your inexperience, it doesn't matter. Women who are only concerned with how you preform sexually are not worth fussing over, because even if you were good, they still wouldn't like you for who you are. The women who don't care about your experience are the ones who matter. Let the others come and go, you'll have fun and gain experience along the way, and then you can use that experience on a woman who matters. Don't be so preoccupied with what judgement may fall upon you, you'll never get laid that way. It'll happen for both of us.

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  • chezycheze
    11 years ago

    Hi! This is a reasonable thing to want. I don't know if it's a necessary thing, but reasonable. What are your reasons? You need the right reasons to really back it up to yourself. I hope everything goes well and that you can calmly, confidently, and comfortably develop with your partner someday.

    :)

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  • dude_Jones
    11 years ago

    This happened to me when I was 21, and I was hurt terribly. My condolences man. It would be a terrible mistake to go back to your old girlfriend. The road back to normal partying was long and slow.

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  • PboDude
    11 years ago

    Your 21, supposedly a grown man. How the fuck have you not done this already? I can't believe how many weak men are on here looking for reassurance.

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