"when I gave a trust into peoples hand I ended up being hurt"
...which is why you are probably lonesome today
"I feel I need to 'depend' on friend or girlffriend to feel allright to keep me going"
...this is probably why you always end up getting hurt, you rely on others and only end up getting taken advantage of.
I dont blame you for wanting to rely on the support of others. So many humans get to have that privilege, why not you (why not me). But lets face it, you have made it all this way without anyone and now your breaking down. You say you are lacking motivation but this exactly the kind of motivation you need.
This is me being optimistic: with your history i will doubt you will find what you seek after this mental breakdown. If thats true, you can either jump off the ledge or you can keep on moving through life.
In fact, without employment i would be a total shut in. I do however seem to get by working in team environments, like a kitchen. local eventually professional. Am i chef, no way. I dont have the talent to create recipes and conceptualize menus. I do however love the hustle and bustle of a busy night. the dirty jokes that riles everyone up (that i normally wouldn't care for except, its just so funny). the shame of ruining an entire tray of overcooked chicken thighs or the feeling of pride you get while you make that finishing touch on that VIP dish you just sent out.
No friends, no girlfriend? Well atleast it aint just me... Break down after 30 years? Good, time to make upgrades anyway right? And watch, im sure ill see this quoted in someones book one day, of course without ANY kind of credit or royalties.
Youre right saying that its about a time to make upgrades, therefore this post. Its an expresiion of doubt in whether there is worth in life or not. Since I found there isnt any worth, I though to project this onto others and see how other heads would get on with this situation. Others shouldnt be important for your own hapiness but life has showed me different prospective and revealing solitude never seemed to be more hurtful. And to have a job matters for wellbeing too. Unemployment only adds oil to fire I guess. In regards to the book, someone might write it one day, good luck to that person, it surely wont be me. I will try HARD to get out of this cocoon but until I reach state where I could say 'I'm bit more happier than before' I wont get the thoughts of suicide out of my head. Ive crossed the tresshold of thinking where its only for cowardice but if all hopes faint,...I got to understand why people kill themselves. Before it was unimaginable.
33 old, no friends, never had a girlfriend #PLEASE DONT READ,PATHETIC#
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"when I gave a trust into peoples hand I ended up being hurt"
...which is why you are probably lonesome today
"I feel I need to 'depend' on friend or girlffriend to feel allright to keep me going"
...this is probably why you always end up getting hurt, you rely on others and only end up getting taken advantage of.
I dont blame you for wanting to rely on the support of others. So many humans get to have that privilege, why not you (why not me). But lets face it, you have made it all this way without anyone and now your breaking down. You say you are lacking motivation but this exactly the kind of motivation you need.
This is me being optimistic: with your history i will doubt you will find what you seek after this mental breakdown. If thats true, you can either jump off the ledge or you can keep on moving through life.
In fact, without employment i would be a total shut in. I do however seem to get by working in team environments, like a kitchen. local eventually professional. Am i chef, no way. I dont have the talent to create recipes and conceptualize menus. I do however love the hustle and bustle of a busy night. the dirty jokes that riles everyone up (that i normally wouldn't care for except, its just so funny). the shame of ruining an entire tray of overcooked chicken thighs or the feeling of pride you get while you make that finishing touch on that VIP dish you just sent out.
No friends, no girlfriend? Well atleast it aint just me... Break down after 30 years? Good, time to make upgrades anyway right? And watch, im sure ill see this quoted in someones book one day, of course without ANY kind of credit or royalties.
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Tarantulo
10 years ago
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Youre right saying that its about a time to make upgrades, therefore this post. Its an expresiion of doubt in whether there is worth in life or not. Since I found there isnt any worth, I though to project this onto others and see how other heads would get on with this situation. Others shouldnt be important for your own hapiness but life has showed me different prospective and revealing solitude never seemed to be more hurtful. And to have a job matters for wellbeing too. Unemployment only adds oil to fire I guess. In regards to the book, someone might write it one day, good luck to that person, it surely wont be me. I will try HARD to get out of this cocoon but until I reach state where I could say 'I'm bit more happier than before' I wont get the thoughts of suicide out of my head. Ive crossed the tresshold of thinking where its only for cowardice but if all hopes faint,...I got to understand why people kill themselves. Before it was unimaginable.