About lostinherpants (74781)

My first cousin and I started playing touch and kiss when I was about the age of 10. She is one year younger then me. We used to play hide and seek and hide behind the curtains and kiss and hold each other tightly. As time went on we eventually started to progress to more advanced sexual games and eventually started to have sexual intercourse at about the age of 13 years old. We continued this game with great excitement for several years. Over time she would come into my bed and fall asleep next to me. I would start playing with her and eventually have sex. Many times she acted as if she were asleep but we both knew she was not. One time at about the age of 17 after a passionate round of sex she was upset and told me how dirty she felt. This was the last time we had any sex. About three years later she called me to her dorm room to discuss an important issue with me. When I arrived, she told me she has been in therapy for sometime now due to my sexual abuse with her. I was shocked but remained supportive with her as I felt she needed my support. She thanked me and continued to write me for about one year. At this point she decided I was responsible for all the unhappiness she had in life and distance between her and her mother. Now as a young adult I was labeled as a sexual abuser. About five years later she called me and told me she was sorry for incorrectly blaming me. She said ever since she accepted responsibility for her act her life was much better. Thirty years later her mother still believes I abused her daughter even when her daughter now accepts joint responsibility.

Sexual experimenting, abuse, curiosity? When I hear all the sexual abuse stories now a days which seem endless I often wonder how many are real as well as how many need closer review by their therapist. I sometimes wonder if I were the first one to speak out about what happened would I be seen as the victim? On that subject, when we spoke openly as adults I suggested if she wanted we could both speak to her mother. She asked me not to and I honored her wish.


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