I have often found myself wondering what it would be like to truly feel the things I have to fake. But no matter how hard I try, it is an alien concept for me to care for someone enough to take my ...

Thank you for your advice, what you said about pattern retraining makes a lot of sense. If that gets me nowhere I will think about seeking professional help.

The urges seem to build and then recede into the background of my brain, never truly leaving just sometimes fading. To say it isn't uncomfortable suppressing them would be a lie. They're not consta...